Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
