I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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