But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
