I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
