its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
