someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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