i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
