Can Purell be used as lube?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
