fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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