hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You have to summon your inner elephant
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
