She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
