brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
