I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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