Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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