addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
