I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
