I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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