Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
