Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
