I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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