found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
