I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
