I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
