Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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