tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
