you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
