If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
