Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
