did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
