dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
