I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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