Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
