This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
