Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
