i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Randomize
