I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
