Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
