the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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