youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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