If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
