is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
