Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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