Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
