I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So squirting runs in the family.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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