my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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