I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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