batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
