Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
