I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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