I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
