textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
