So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
