You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
