how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
