is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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