What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
