She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
