I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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