this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
