Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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