So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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