Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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