at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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