I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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