it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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