My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
