North Korea, Best Korea!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
