its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
