I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
