we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
