So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
