my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
