i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
